"You should live a more colourful life," said she.

So sometimes I'd thought I should just stick to what they want me to do? Find a job that could satisfy almost any young person: interesting job nature, diversified social circle with a small number of people who challenges you in a contributive way, normal working hours with a good number of annual leaves if not flexible working hours, occasional short trips abroad and even more occasional long trips abroad, medical and retirement benefits...

As if there is such a job in the world.

Don't people always say: do things while your parents could afford them, especially when it is beneficial.

So am I doing something beneficial? Perhaps not for short-term finance.
Discussions with them are exhausting and they aren't going anywhere far. There are fewer instances of disputes now, but still, small talks seem better.

She talked about "colourful life". He talked about meeting different people. To them, my world is closed. He said people usually retreat to peace eventually, but before that one should try out as many things as possible. I said I want to live in peace now. He said one shouldn't. She was confused and seemed a little shocked. So there are different people in the world, but I need to be that one kind of person that wants to try a lot of things? Colourful. They want me to be colourful. Actually, there are certain windows to the world I wouldn't tell them about. The window.

That parcel of secret together with its surrounding taboo are disturbance in our relationship. They won't go away and they prevent chats from gaining substance or meaning. I want to share, but no, it's not time yet. So interactions remain implicitly strained.

Yes, it's curious that I prefer to use English when I'm complaining. Enough of complaining tonight as my eye muscles start to complain.