A letter of self-indulgence

It's like the only way to define myself. Why do you refute my identity?

I grew up in a world that emphasizes the importance of self-achievement and the pursuit of happiness, or at least satisfaction. Why do you now deny my interest? It does no harm to other people, unless you think what I do to myself will harm you. Why would you think so? Is it because you have invested so much culture on me that you think most of me is made up of materials which have broken away from you? Now you don't want to be separated with these elements.

My language is bad, enormously bad. Communication and learning are like a huge piece of cake that I'm never gonna finish. I'm never going to find a way to convince you, so I remain silent. Yes I have no intention to protest. When I wanted to do Sociology, you were worried that I would march on the street. It needs courage and a meaingful cause to do that, and perhaps I lack both of them. Besides, I do not need to march on the street because all I need to do is march at home.

I am hurt by your implicit accusation that I am just trying to be different. It is not out of narcissism that I seek my way of life. It came from socialization. Do Hong Kong people not always proclaim that we ought to have all sorts of freedom? Perhaps I have to admit that in this sense I am seeking a kind of freedom. I hate to pronounce the word, because it does not exist. But in what other way would you understand? You do not listen to my needs, you see my needs as the same as those of yours and those of others. And, you see my being as part of you needs.

Someone found me in the corner. She's the only reason I became explicit - she supports me utterly. I'm never brave. She is the reality of my dream.

塵霧裏的聲音

也許是懶惰致成。走進了一堆灰灰黑黑的塵霧，嘗試抓緊水珠和塵埃的關連，它們絲絲相扣的規律。塵霧裏有很多聲音：年輕的，老邁的，男的，女的，不知名的，叫破喉嚨的，伸手亂摸的，竊竊私語的，對罵的，溫婉的，權威的，一閃而過的，迷途的，死去的‧‧‧‧‧‧那些不能自拔的聲音，那些驕傲的聲音！我聽不清楚了。我靜止了。我蹲下了。請告訴我，怎樣才能走出這黑壓壓的聲音。地上或許有很多很多細碎的金錢、珍貴的古董，只要你能夠掌握水珠和塵埃的關係，或者能夠區分泥土和空氣的顏色，或者明暸光線的運作，那麼地上的寶藏還有很多，而且你的路途並不會太過艱辛。塵霧之外的世界，還能容得下這個在塵霧之中拾不了金的人嗎？究竟什麼時候才能走進陽光所到之地？